In my young life, I have been treated for cancer three times. Each time, I have been fortunate enough to find it early but that does not change the fact that each journey through treatment is a struggle. Likely, one that most expect you to celebrate when it’s over, but that’s not usually what happens.
I have noticed a certain sadness accompanies the end of cancer treatment and I have finally figured out why. It’s because when I am not in treatment, I am constantly wondering if and when the cancer will return. If I get an ache or pain, it’s never just that. It’s possibly something more; something terminal or at least very serious.
While in treatment, the worry clock stops and I have a quiet but uncomfortable peace. Now that I am aware of this pattern, I plan to change how I view time. As a fellow survivor once said, “It’s a process to learn how to enjoy each day as a gift and not let our minds become obsessed with “what ifs”. This is the process I need to learn.
I will stop living my life in a holding pattern waiting for the next cancer alarm to go off. It’s time to start living my life to the fullest until I simply run out of time.