Chemo is Over. So, Why am I Not Happy?

red maples trees

In my young life, I have been treated for cancer three times. Each time, I have been fortunate enough to find it early but that does not change the fact that each journey through treatment is a struggle. Likely, one that most expect you to celebrate when it’s over, but that’s not usually what happens.

I have noticed a certain sadness accompanies the end of cancer treatment and I have finally figured out why. It’s because when I am not in treatment, I am constantly wondering if and when the cancer will return.  If I get an ache or pain, it’s never just that.  It’s possibly something more; something terminal or at least very serious.

While in treatment, the worry clock stops and I have a quiet but uncomfortable peace. Now that I am aware of this pattern, I plan to change how I view time. As a fellow survivor once said, “It’s a process to learn how to enjoy each day as a gift and not let our minds become obsessed with “what ifs”. This is the process I need to learn.

I will stop living my life in a holding pattern waiting for the next cancer alarm to go off. It’s time to start living my life to the fullest until I simply run out of time.

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Categories: Health, Life Experience, Personal Experience, Psychology, Self-Awareness

Tags: , , , , ,

3 replies

  1. You got it right Sherry. Life is given to us to live, not to tip toe through life, waiting for it to end. Live To Live, Life is responding to you!

  2. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Keep positive!

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